Donald Trump cut his Mar-a-Lago stay short and hurried back to Washington. Why?
— To attempt to staunch a pandemic’s wave of death? To soothe legions of the bereaved?
— To address the fact that on distribution, Warp Speed has yielded to Operation Molasses?
— To calmly broker a defense bill and a stimulus package to his liking?
Nah. No way. Hah hah. You’re killing me.
Trump returned to swim round and round the boat – our boat — his orange fin projected above the waves, as Congress finalized the end of his presidency.
In “Jaws,” the shark swallowed half the boat before being blown to sushi.
True to Trump, his end is shaping up as something from the mind of Steven Spielberg.
The part of the trawler disappearing in the foam is the Republican Party. Trump has consumed it. He is it. It is him. His Happy Meal.
He has a mighty mandible, but Trump’s fate is sealed – detonated by the voters – despite a school of GOP guppies who thought they could change tides with their tiny tails.
Josh Hawley: What a little swimmer. Louie Gohmert: You mighty minnow.
At the coast, there’s a term for you: live bait.
Trump has directed this blockbuster with an eye to receipts. “Stop the Steal” has stirred swarms of fact-averse followers. The better to wring dollars from them.
The big-screen drama that has followed in the wake of the voters’ verdict is true to Trump’s comportment from the start.
His vetoing of the defense bill, his threatened veto of the stimulus legislation, was more about enjoying that bass-fiddle sound that Spielberg used so well to stir movie-goers’ fear. Ba-bum. Ba-bum.
Trump doesn’t want to govern. He doesn’t want to serve humanity. He just wants
He enjoys most the sight of policymakers helpless on the shoreline, sweat beading on their brows, as townspeople scream and flee the surf.
A lot of Republicans are feeling dehydrated right now. Mitch McConnell. Mike Pence. Any Republican official in Georgia, Pennsylvania, Arizona, Wisconsin or Michigan who can do math.
Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks, one of the House Guppies challenging the Nov. 3 results, tweeted that the election results were “untrustworthy.”
Pardon the use of a holy acronym in vain, but OMG.
These people have been swept along by a tide of lies from the most untrustworthy president in history, averaging more than 50 false or misleading claims per day over four years, based on the exhaustive and exhausted fact-checking of the Washington Post.
No court will countenance any of their claims about Nov. 3. Why? Because evidence is needed to back up a claim in court. Trump’s supporters have none.
So why did Trump return to Washington early? My guess is that he’s $400 million in debt and he needs to pump up that “Stop the Steal” go-fund-me effort by which he’s reaped $250 million so far.
If you were surprised that Trump would turn charitable and join Democrats in appealing for $2,000 stimulus checks, my wife has this theory: He’s banking on supporters signing those checks over to him.
Someday we'll look back at this presidency and wonder: Did it really happen? Or was this just over-the-top fiction?
Oh, it happened. The beast from the deep – OK, from the 26th floor of Trump Tower — came to the surface and did horrible things.
In the movie, the boat bit it. That’s the big difference in this “Jaws” remake.
Many worry that Trump has damaged democracy irreparably. They are mistaken. Democracy held on. He did not.
Longtime newspaperman John Young lives in Colorado. Email: firstname.lastname@example.org.