As one who’s borderline obsessive about polls, here’s my 2026 take: They’ve gotten boring.
How many times need we hear that a vast and growing majority thinks the president is a fading agent of chaos and incompetence? That’s beyond question, and most Americans know it.
As for his unyielding, unquestioning bloc of MAGA believers – that hardened 30 percent — it is like a compacted colon. No amount of fiber will dislodge it.
How many polls do we need to know this economy is a disaster? With the flash-fire of inflation caused by unnecessary tariffs, gas prices driven by an unnecessary war, the only participants for whom the economy is peachy are the president and his progeny, and a bunch of giddy oil guys.
The problem with polling is that it is too focused on the surface. It doesn’t dig down to why popular sentiment is what it is. Pat questions get pat answers.
My idea is what you might call multiple-“voice” questions: a polling that gets deep into the American psyche — solicitations scientifically designed to elicit what sectors of us actually are thinking about the insanity around us. Like these. Choose your voice:
Q. The president’s pledge to send $5,000 to each U.S. citizen if Republicans hold majorities in Congress is: (a) a really good idea, ‘cause I know Republicans will win; (b) curious — I didn’t know we had so much money rattling around; aren’t we having trouble just feeding our sailors? (c) a campaign bribe; Isn’t Elon Musk the only one who can get away with that around election time? (d) a promise from a con man whose only gift to you will be your share of the $40 trillion national debt.
Q: When your president responds to legitimate questions from reporters with dodgy, debased responses like, “Quiet, Piggy,” it: (a) sounds just right — for as my president says, news organizations dedicated to informing the people are the enemies of the people; (b) makes a person think, “America has an ogre in its highest office”; (c) makes many women want to slap that caked makeup of his face.
Q.: What is the greater threat to the nation? (a) immigrants; (b) Muslims; (c) people who change gender; (d) voters who wouldn’t know the Equal Protection Clause from a drive-through order.
Q. As the fated ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle told a businessman she’d deliver White House favors if he’d pay off her $100,000 credit card line. What is her ethical obligation? (a) resign for having thrown ethics to the wind; (b) resign in disgrace for asking for such a pitiful amount; (c) start her own crypto firm; (d) donate her lips to science.
Q. When emissary Steve Witkoff told Vladimir Putin that, just like our president, the Butcher of Moscow was a “humanitarian,” you: (a) swelled with pride; (b) lost your lunch; (c) kicked the dog, then apologized profusely; (d) researched the 25th Amendment to see if it applies to the removal emissaries who are off their rockers.
Q. The president’s “Triumphal Arch” will be: (a) glorious, just like our glorious leader; (b) particularly grand for tourists who win the daily “Sniper Duty” drawing; (c) a tacky distraction that cheapens sacred ground; (d) a waste of good plaster.
Q. The president’s ballroom is easily justified because: (a) he says it’s justified; (b) we are dealing right now with a national glut of floor wax; (c) what would you do if you had no other idea for the $360 million your pals handed over? (d): right-wingers on the Supreme Court danced around clear illegality.
Q. The president’s actions to improve the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool: (a) restored it as a glittering national point of pride; (b) resulted in the most disgusting smoothie ever conjured; (c) will forever serve as a monument to no-bid deals with political cronies; (d) will get it marked off your next itinerary when visiting the nation’s capital.
Q. A UFC cage fight on the White House lawn was: (a) wholesome and patriotic fun; (b) a spectacle concocted by a man with no shame; (c) brutal and degrading, but just wait till he hosts WCC – the World Cockfighting Championships; (c) horrific, but at least it kept dangerous MAGA people off the streets for a few hours.
Q. Sixty-six percent of respondents in a Washington Post poll believe the president is using the White House to enrich himself. What say you? (a) Of course he’s cashing in; that’s the American way, and God bless America; (b) of course he is enriching himself; that’s the Putin way; (c) of course he is enriching himself; can’t you read? (d) My God, what the hell is wrong with the 34 percent?
Longtime newspaperman John Young lives in Colorado. Email: jyoungcolumn@gmail.com.
