Amid the ample evidence by which prosecutors sought to lock away the inciter of the Jan. 6 riot, way too much attention went to three words: “Fight like hell.”
Too little went to the most calculated crime: manufactured, completely bogus numbers that convinced his out-for-blood legions the election was “stolen.”
Sixty-thousand votes in Georgia cast by too-young voters! Eight thousand cast by dead Pennsylvanians! Thirty-six thousand votes cast by non-citizens in Arizona!
Unsupportable numbers, down to the digit, flowed in Vesuvian waves from Mr. Volcano Breath.
Factcheck.org, whose business is truth, compiled them on one sheet for all who care: tinyurl.com/y9f35jz8
In advance of the 2024 election, that list should have been placemats for every diner and pizza joint in America so people could marvel at this scoundrel’s wild assertions.
From where did his numbers come? I mean, how did he conjure 36,000 illegal voters in Arizona and not, oh, 3.6 million? That’s half the people in Arizona, which might seem reasonable to him.
It’s clear all these claims had the same point of origin: the man’s southernmost orifice. My Democrat father called it the ying-yang.
It’s the same place from where our president pulled out his neo-comical “$5,000 to every adult citizen” if the Republicans win. (Neo-comical: laughable if unconscionable – and illegal.) Hey, it’s OK. He’s OK. He’s not off his rocker. We only have a $40 trillion national debt and a sparkling new forever war. The government has cash out the ears.
So why just $5,000, dude? Why not $50,000 per?
Add to this the $5,000 “dividend” he promised from all those juicy savings from DOGE, not to mention the $2,000 he said all will get as our share of returned tariff money. We see where Walmart anticipates a $2.9 billion tariff refund: curious, as consumers were the ones who paid that.
When he set out to remake the federal bureaucracy in his own image, this president had to find excellent liars who would manufacture numbers as masterfully as he.
Hence we have Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, whom few would know exists except for his leading role in the Epstein Files. Lutnick announced a Department of Commerce “report” saying that 24,000-plus noncitizens illegally voted in the 2020 election. Why not 2.4 million? How ‘bout a billion?
Anyone who has honestly investigated these matters, including a bunch of Republican attorneys’ general, knows nothing supports numbers like these, intended of course to justify voter suppression – something the Brennan Center for Justice calls a “solution in search of a problem.”
No one has demonstrated over the last decade that more non-citizens have voted illegally than citizens who were convicted of rampaging through the Capitol.
Anyone who embraces the Tao of MAGA — and who hopes to ascend to higher consciousness — knows that he must demonstrate his balony-ious bonafides: meaning, lie like a sea urchin.
J.D. Vance, who claims to be a Christian, advanced maybe the most hateful and racist claim ever spawned in partisan politics with the “Haitians eating pets” canard. His defense when people in authority shot down the claim was that people were talking about it on social media. Hence, it needed an airing from him without investigating it.
Ted Cruz employed the same curious reasoning when he said he’d vote not to certify Joe Biden’s election in 2020 because lots of Americans believed he wasn’t fairly elected.
But, of course, the only reason anyone believed that – a claim to which 60 courts of law said, “You gotta be kidding” – was shared by Gullibility Nation because the least trustworthy person ever to grace our political stage would not stop saying it.
Back at today’s gold-leaf White House, the president has decided that the $150,000 salary we taxpayers paid Google maid Natalie Harp to find things on the internet that constantly convince him he’s the greatest human being ever born isn’t enough. We just gave her a $4,500 bonus.
Why not a $4.5 million bonus for dear Natalie? She’s that important to the American prospect. It’s not your money, anyway, Mr. President.
Even if we taxpayers can’t come up with the cash, Sir, we can trust you to come up with the numbers.
Longtime newspaperman John Young lives in Colorado. Email: jyoungcolumn@gmail.com.
