Let’s say you are president. Make that president-elect. Let’s say you’ve had many grueling months of a brutal and bitter campaign, racking up time zones on your personal plane, putting your global business empire on the back burner — a must-do to make the country your empire. What to do in preparation? This president-elect thing is good…
Details(Dear johnyoungcolumn readers: A change is required to the most recent submission, as the pick it mentioned for Trump's Interior secretary was premature. Rest assured — or rest uneasily, as it were — the actual choice "fits" the theme of the original column. Read on.) Kathleen Stama sounded like the cat that had just dined…
DetailsKathleen Stama sounded like the cat that had just dined on filet de canary. She told the Denver Post that Oklahoma Attorney General Scott Pruitt is a great choice to run the EPA, as he understands that “centralized government is not the best way to protect the environment.” Stama is all about protecting the environment. Except…
DetailsThe early projection: Donald Trump is the end of satire. Not that as president he would ban it, although in his fantasies he shuts down “Saturday Night Live.” It's that based on his early proclivities, Trump is beyond lampooning. Whatever scene a humorist might conjure, he lives it. He is his own work of fiction. Presidential? Oh…
DetailsIt turns out our ambitions were quite similar, Donald Trump’s and mine. We were both interested in acquiring a franchise – a business opportunity. I always had an affection for Orange Julius and its one-trick-pony stands at malls. I told my betrothed that when we had the scratch, the itch I’d pursue was an OJ…
DetailsIt’s time to tone down the hateful rhetoric, we’re told. This being Thanksgiving and all, I hear you. So I come with concessionary tidings. I’m going to stun many and concede that sweet potatoes aren’t the worst-tasting food on our planet. This will come as a surprise, yes, to readers who, if they’ve been with…
DetailsI consider myself progressive, compassionate, open-minded. Heaven knows I’m tolerant. Yet in recent days I have realized that routinely I am engaging in profiling. I see a figure up ahead of me on the sidewalk or in the store: I start making judgments. My mind takes giant leaps that cause teeth and hands to clench and pheromones…
DetailsOne day. One 24-hour period. One sunrise, one sunset. I felt as bad as one could feel without needing hospitalization. My head hurt. I was in a fog of exhaustion. I hadn’t eaten well. All day I emoted clenched anger in a thousand sighs. My shoulders hurt from a thousand shrugs. Then,…
DetailsOxidation happens when elements cause metals to corrode. The color of oxidation is red. Tuesday night was a red night, but not the Election-Night red of previous presidential races. It was the orange-ish red of a loud outsider who has a mandate today that nobody knows, most particularly the Electoral College victor. It was an…
DetailsIf you ever have the “America blahs” and want to shake out of them, teach a citizenship class. I have. I’ve looked into eyes that came here from Iran, from Mexico, from Saudi Arabia, from China, from Sudan. The eyes have it. They can’t wait to be Americans. Particularly, they can’t wait to vote. Oh,…
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