It turns out our ambitions were quite similar, Donald Trump’s and mine. We were both interested in acquiring a franchise – a business opportunity. I always had an affection for Orange Julius and its one-trick-pony stands at malls. I told my betrothed that when we had the scratch, the itch I’d pursue was an OJ…
DetailsIt’s time to tone down the hateful rhetoric, we’re told. This being Thanksgiving and all, I hear you. So I come with concessionary tidings. I’m going to stun many and concede that sweet potatoes aren’t the worst-tasting food on our planet. This will come as a surprise, yes, to readers who, if they’ve been with…
DetailsI consider myself progressive, compassionate, open-minded. Heaven knows I’m tolerant. Yet in recent days I have realized that routinely I am engaging in profiling. I see a figure up ahead of me on the sidewalk or in the store: I start making judgments. My mind takes giant leaps that cause teeth and hands to clench and pheromones…
DetailsOne day. One 24-hour period. One sunrise, one sunset. I felt as bad as one could feel without needing hospitalization. My head hurt. I was in a fog of exhaustion. I hadn’t eaten well. All day I emoted clenched anger in a thousand sighs. My shoulders hurt from a thousand shrugs. Then,…
DetailsOxidation happens when elements cause metals to corrode. The color of oxidation is red. Tuesday night was a red night, but not the Election-Night red of previous presidential races. It was the orange-ish red of a loud outsider who has a mandate today that nobody knows, most particularly the Electoral College victor. It was an…
DetailsIf you ever have the “America blahs” and want to shake out of them, teach a citizenship class. I have. I’ve looked into eyes that came here from Iran, from Mexico, from Saudi Arabia, from China, from Sudan. The eyes have it. They can’t wait to be Americans. Particularly, they can’t wait to vote. Oh,…
DetailsThe 2016 debates lacked Quemoy and Matsu. In 1960, a gentlemanly quarrel about these two tiny islands was the most significant policy difference in the Kennedy-Nixon debate, though historians call the proceedings a watershed event in televised politics. Nixon said the islands off China’s coast merited Cold War saber-rattling. Kennedy said they didn’t.…
DetailsIt comes with the ticking parcel that Republican voters left on our doorstep, but we’ve focused way too much lately on what a Twitter hashtag fest — #TrumpDrSeuss — has christened The Deplorax. He of the orange hair and a thousand calculated insults, many aimed at women. He of horrible boasts backed by deplorable acts.…
DetailsThe NFL’s ratings are down. Fox Sports commentator Colin Cowherd says he knows why. It’s not about quality of play or sidelined quarterbacks. “It’s Donald Trump.” People are tuning out football for that guy. True. The nation is transfixed. It can’t take its eyes off the Trump Dumpster fire. The thing…
DetailsWait, wait. Did I hear what I just heard? Did you? Donald Trump paid no income taxes over an 18-year period. “That makes me smart,” says he. Not just smart. Brilliant. That makes me confused. If this were such a great virtue, you’d assume Trump would have shared his tax returns…
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